ICYMI: Guns, God, and Gavel-Grabbing.
Welcome to the United States of Unaccountability
Ah, another week in the Land of the Free (to die in a school shooting), where fascism doesn’t march — it gets funded, promoted, and court-appointed. While Democrats try to salvage the burnt husk of a republic, the Trump regime has been busy cranking out authoritarian fever dreams like it's Black Friday at the Strongman Superstore. Guns are still the #1 childhood killer, judges now come with camo, and the immigration courts are being transformed into military tribunals for asylum seekers who dare to ask for mercy. Meanwhile, loyalty points are redeemable for entire military headquarters, and domestic terrorists are growing faster than Trump’s legal bills. But don’t worry, the FBI’s got other priorities, like ignoring all of it. Buckle up. Here’s what the hell happened this week.
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“Thoughts and Prayers” Brought to You by Glock: America's Real Gun Policy
Another week, another child’s funeral set to the soundtrack of AR-15 fire and Senate indifference. The Minnesota school shooting wasn’t just preventable — it was profitable. Guns are now the leading cause of death for American kids, and the government’s response is a performance of grief followed by a budget increase for cops and surveillance gear. Because why prevent massacres when you can monetize them? This isn't policy failure; it’s policy functioning exactly as intended. Guns sell. Fear controls. Children die. Rinse. Reload. Repeat.
Labor Day: Celebrating the Holiday Born from a Massacre While Kids Work the Night Shift
As you burn your hot dog over Labor Day weekend, just remember it was earned with bullets, not burgers. The blood-soaked legacy of workers murdered at Pullman has been airbrushed into a patriotic long weekend while the Trump regime dismantles worker protections like it's a competitive sport. Unions gutted. Child labor legalized. OSHA neutered. And just to complete the hellish aesthetic, the White House is now Versailles for fascists. It’s not that history is repeating. It’s that it's being surgically erased while 14-year-olds mop blood from factory floors. Don’t thank your boss. Thank a union. Then ask where the hell they’ve gone.
Gilded Again: How the Labor Movement’s Bloodstained Legacy Is Being Erased
The Day Labor Day Was Born in Blood
When the State Unplugs the Alarm: How Domestic Terrorism Became a Feature, Not a Flaw
White nationalist violence is skyrocketing, and the government’s answer? Pull the funding, look the other way, and redefine "terrorist" as anyone holding a protest sign instead of an AR-15. FEMA's been gagged, the FBI's been gutted, and school shooters are planning in plain sight while federal grants get rebranded to avoid hurting MAGA’s feelings. It’s not that the alarm system failed. It was ripped from the wall and thrown in the trash. Because in Trump’s America, chaos isn’t a threat. It’s the excuse to consolidate power, silence dissent, and keep the base frothing. We’re not watching neglect. We’re watching authoritarianism bloom in real time.
Why the U.S. Is Letting Domestic Terrorism Grow
Note: Previously, we reported that the shooter was 16. That is incorrect. Robin Westman was 23. We apologize for the error and thank our eagle-eyed readers for bringing the mistake to our attention.
Trump Launches Space Command Into the MAGAverse: Now Featuring Less Readiness and More Retribution
Trump’s latest tantrum-in-uniform? Ripping U.S. Space Command out of its fully operational, strategically placed home in Colorado Springs and dumping it in Huntsville, Alabama. Because nothing says "national security" like punishing blue states and rewarding red ones. The Pentagon hates it. Experts hate it. Colorado taxpayers really hate it. But Trump loves a loyalty test. Billions wasted, missions delayed, and an entire defense ecosystem torched—all so the Commander-in-Chief can give Alabama a MAGA merit badge. This isn’t military strategy. It’s authoritarian gerrymandering in orbit.
Court-Martialing the Constitution: Trump’s Immigration Courts Get a Military Makeover
Because nothing screams “due process” like a uniformed military officer presiding over asylum hearings, Trump’s now parachuting 600 JAGs into immigration courts like it’s Fallujah, not federal law. Forget immigration expertise—these are battlefield lawyers turned deportation bots, fast-tracked by a rule change that says, “Got a law degree? Congrats, you're Judge Dredd now.” This isn’t about fixing a backlog. It’s about militarizing justice, bulldozing precedent, and fast-tracking brown bodies out of the country. Today it's asylum law. Tomorrow? Tax court. Labor disputes. Protesters. Once the judges wear camouflage, democracy’s last firewall is already on fire.
That’s the Week, Folks: Now Go Scream Into a Patriotic Void
So there you have it: America, still on fire, still asking why it smells like smoke while Republicans toss in gas cans labeled “efficiency” and “national greatness.” The courts are compromised, the cops are funded, and the kids are working graveyard shifts while getting gunned down at school. But hey, at least we got a long weekend.
Until next time, stay loud, stay cynical, and for the love of what’s left of the Constitution, don’t look away.
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Talk about the high heat in this column today.
Wow.