Romaine, Repression & Rocket Sperm: Just Another Week in Hell

Now with double the WTF and Musk spunk in your DMs

Welcome back, dear doom-surfers, to the Coffman Chronicle Snarkitorial, where the nation’s slide into banana-republic-meets-sci-fi-disaster is chronicled with the precision of a scalpel and the vibe of a flaming cocktail. If you're new here: hydrate liberally, read fast, and scream responsibly.

We’ve got deportation selfies, lettuce of death, a flat-eart…