Scaramucci-Sized Chaos and Million-Dollar “Volunteers”

As AmeriCorps gets benched, DOGE burns through $175 million and Trump says eggs are too cheap, we cover all the news that got run over on the way to the front page

Welcome back to the only political digest brave enough to ask: “Are we being punked by reality?” It’s the Snarkitorial, now with rabbit, goat, and chicken!

At this point, we’re not just living in Veep. We’re living in Veep if it microdosed, wandered into a libertarian startup incubator, and got hired by Peter Thiel.

Here’s what happened in just the past few days—yes, days. Let’s dive in before it all gets memory-holed.

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Rep. Mike Collins: Trolls Before Policy

Sen. Chris Van Hollen traveled to El Salvador to visit Kilmar Abrego Garcia, a Maryland father and legal asylum grantee wrongly deported to CECOT. While civil rights advocates cheered, Rep. Mike Collins countered by slapping a plaque over Van Hollen’s office sign, declaring that he now represents El Salvador.
This is what passes for clever in the toddler wing of Congress.

Egg Prices Are Too Low, Apparently

Trump looked at Easter’s eggflation and declared: “If anything, egg prices are too low.”
Some families dyed potatoes instead because eggs were too pricey, and potatoes pack a better punch when thrown at elected officials. One kid was heard muttering, “I got a russet in my basket. Thanks, capitalism.”

Budapest What?

The White House quietly erased the Budapest Memorandum from its website—just a little international agreement promising to respect Ukraine’s borders. This in the same week Trump and lil Marco walked back their “we’ll end the war in 24 hours” claim with a new position: “We’ll pass.” Diplomacy is now vibes-based? Or the final chapter of Art of the Deal is titled “If You Can’t Win, Pretend You Aren’t In the Game.”

DOGE Defunds the Internet Archive

The nonprofit Internet Archive—home of the Wayback Machine and vanishing government records—just had its federal funding cut. DOGE’s logic: if you delete the document and the archive, history never happened.
It's Schrödinger’s democracy now.

Harvard Harassment Was Just a Little Oopsie!

After threatening Harvard’s foreign student admissions and tax-exempt status, Trump now says the whole thing was a “mistake within the administration.” Sure. We’ve all accidentally launched a coordinated federal vendetta, right?

The Rabbit Fire Was a Rare Bit

A United Airlines flight had to return to Denver after a rabbit was sucked into the engine, causing a fire. United called it a “rare case.” We assume they meant Welsh Rarebit—because nothing about this was hare-raisingly normal. The rabbits, for the record, demand hazard pay.

Real Volunteers on Leave. Fake Volunteers on Expense Accounts.

AmeriCorps—whose members help with disaster relief, tutoring, and community support—was placed on administrative leave by DOGE. Why? Efficiency, they say. Meanwhile…

DOGE’s Volunteer Task Force Burns $175 Million in 12 Weeks

The tech-bro “volunteer” team charged with cutting federal waste has racked up $175 million in expenses in under three months. We assume their reports read: “$7,000: snacks. $28 million: synergy. $84: deleting AmeriCorps.”

Japan Delivers Anime-Level Shade

A Japanese lawmaker compared Trump’s tariffs to “a delinquent kid extorting someone.” That’s not a burn. That’s character assassination with subtitles. Studio Ghibli couldn’t storyboard it better.

KFC’s New Toothpaste Is Finger-Lickin’ Deranged

Yes, this is real—fried-chicken-flavored toothpaste. Eleven herbs. Zero regrets. A cavity in every smile. Dentists everywhere just put down payments on their next mansions.

Note: This is not a real ad. This is just some AI fun. But the toothpaste story? That’s sadly real.

CDC Crash Data Program Crashed

Thanks to budget cuts, the CDC can no longer collect injury data from car crashes.
Because if you stop tracking collisions, collisions stop happening, right? So if we stop reporting on the Trump-esque dystopia, it will end, too?

Shapley Lasts 0.27 Scaramuccis

IRS Commissioner Gary Shapley—handpicked by Elon Musk—lasted 72 hours before Trump’s team collectively said, “Yeah, no.” Treasury Secretary Bessent called in a Daddy Fix-It to shut it down. His tenure lasted 0.27 Scaramuccis—barely longer than a pop-up vinyl sale.

Vince Vaughn Joins the MAGA Cinematic Universe

Following Kid Rock and Scott Baio, Vince Vaughn popped up at the White House.
At this rate, we’re one surprise cameo away from David Spade, Secretary of Meme Defense.

Sacrificial Goat Cheats Death, Demands Union

A goat returning from a sacrifice (he lost an ear) survived a car crash and walked away like a legend. Human companions? Less fortunate. He has not commented publicly (he’s a goat, people), but insiders say he’s shopping a memoir titled “Not Today, Shiva.”

Tony Evers Vetoes Time Itself

Wisconsin Governor Tony Evers used a line-item veto to extend a school funding increase until 2425. Opponents screamed, “he can’t do that!” The Wisconsin Supreme Court said, “and yet…”
DOGE is reportedly developing a blockchain time machine to undo it.

MAGA Mulligan for the MyPillow Guy

A Trump appointee asked the IRS to re-review Mike Lindell’s audit. Because when you say “weaponized government,” you actually mean “weaponize it for your pillow friend.” Think this is the real reason Shapley had to go? Refused the order? Or just couldn't get the Musk-stank off of himself?

Robots Run Half-Marathon, Humans Nervous

Humanoid robots participated in a half-marathon in China. They didn’t sweat, cramp, or cry at mile ten. Race organizers are relived not to have to clean up poop and vomit, but admit the stench of oil was hard to get past. We’re now officially one step away from the Boston Dynamics Olympics.

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Final Thought

The bad news: the chaos is accelerating.
The good news: it’s still funny. Mostly. Darkly. Weirdly.

So until next time, may your documents stay archived, your dyed potatoes fly straight, and your policy decisions remain at least one Scaramucci long.

Bibliography, for those who like footnotes with their fury:

• AP News. “Humanoid Robots Compete in Chinese Half-Marathon.” Associated Press, April 14, 2025.

• Fox News. "Collins Alters Van Hollen's Office Plaque Over MS-13." Fox News, April 19, 2025.

• Newsweek. "Trump Tariffs Like 'Delinquent Kid Extorting Somebody'—Japanese Lawmaker." Newsweek, April 17, 2025.

• Futurism. "Elon Musk Cuts Funding for Internet Archive." Futurism, April 19, 2025.

• Reuters. "Harvard Says Trump Administration Doubled Down After Sending Letter Reported as Unauthorized." Reuters, April 19, 2025.

• The Daily Beast. "Elon Musk's Handpicked IRS Chief Gary Shapley Lasts Just 72 Hours." The Daily Beast, April 19, 2025.

• Wisconsin Public Radio. "Wisconsin Supreme Court Upholds Gov. Tony Evers' Partial Veto Extending School Funding Increases for 400 Years." Wisconsin Public Radio, April 18, 2025.

• Alt National Park Service. “DOGE’s Expenses Have Now Ballooned to Around $175 Million in Just 12 Weeks.” Facebook, April 18, 2025.

• Fox News. “Trump, Vince Vaughn Spoof ‘Wedding Crashers’ with Photo of Star’s Visit to White House.” Fox News, April 19, 2025.

• Reuters. “US Will Abandon Ukraine Peace Push If No Progress Soon, Trump and Rubio Say.” Reuters, April 18, 2025.

• Reddit. “Pre-2025 Content Was Removed from the White House Website, Including Budapest Memorandum.” r/Whistleblowers, April 18, 2025.

• Washington Post. “Trump Appointee Asked IRS to Review Audit of MyPillow CEO Mike Lindell.” Washington Post, April 17, 2025.

• People. "Donald Trump Reacts to the Cost of Eggs in the U.S., Says 'If Anything, the Prices Are Getting Too Low'." People, April 18, 2025.

• AP News. "Most of AmeriCorps Staff Members Have Been Placed on Leave After DOGE Cuts." AP News, April 18, 2025.

• CT Insider. "Instead of Eggs, People Are Dyeing Potatoes and Marshmallows for Easter." CT Insider, April 18, 2025.

• IHeart.com. “This Week’s Weird News: 4/18/25.” Coast to Coast AM, April 18, 2025.

• People Magazine. “Rabbit Causes Fire on United Airlines Flight After Being Sucked into Engine.” People, April 13, 2025.

• Shepherd Express. “News of the Weird: Week of April 17, 2025.” Shepherd Express, April 17, 2025.