Snarkitorial: Glitches in the Matrix (and the People Who Malfunctioned on Camera)
In part two of our snark-fest, here's 6 more stories of the empire in decline
Welcome to Part II of the Snarkitorial: the glitch edition, where power short-circuits live on air, candidates forget their coalitions, and conspiracy theorists tell on themselves with more enthusiasm than a toddler with finger paint. This is the part where human error meets authoritarian impulse and nothing gets debugged, because let’s face it, the malfunction is the feature. From accidental indictments to “plenary authority” freakouts, the operating system of American politics is clearly one deleted tweet away from a hard reboot.
Seriously? Has anyone tried just unplugging America and plugging it back in?
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He Posted It Again: Trump pressures AG on social media
Donald Trump, the human embodiment of “accidentally sent to all,” posted and quickly deleted a not-so-subtle demand that Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi charge his political enemies. The message was apparently meant to be private, but when you’re running a shadow campaign from your phone, the line between group chat and national threat gets a little blurry.
The post, captured before deletion, was a thinly veiled call to action, tagging Bondi and suggesting legal retribution for unnamed foes. Nothing screams innocence like using your Truth Social to beg state officials for banana republic-style indictments.
It’s a recurring theme in the Trump cinematic universe: the villain reveals the entire plot before Act Three, but instead of being booed offstage, he gets a standing ovation from the crowd, demanding encore subpoenas.
Remember when obstruction of justice had to be proven in secret? Now it’s live-streamed. Perhaps the next impeachment hearings will just be a dramatic reading of his collected Truths.
Katie Porter’s vote math meltdown
Once the progressive heroine of whiteboards and watchdog fury, Katie Porter now finds herself fumbling through the political equivalent of a public wardrobe malfunction. During a recent interview, she bristled—visibly, audibly, and somewhat unhingedly—at the mere suggestion that she might need votes from Trump supporters to win California’s gubernatorial race.
“How would I need them in order to win, ma’am?” she snapped, deploying a tone usually reserved for dismissing telemarketers or telling your toddler to put down the glitter glue.
What followed was a rhetorical tailspin: Porter insisted she’d win without them, then awkwardly tried to reframe herself as a crossover candidate while the internet zoomed in on her facial tics. And in the same week, a video went viral showing her shooing a news producer out of frame with a furious hiss of “Get out of my shot!” like a political TikTok tragedy unfolding in real time.
It wasn’t pandering, it was denial, the kind that makes you wonder if her campaign is being directed by a rogue improv class. Rejecting the idea that winning requires some level of ideological coalition-building isn’t bold; it’s just politically suicidal, especially in a state where even Democratic dominance demands some finesse.
Porter’s pitch seems to be: trust me, I know what I’m doing, and also, don’t question my tone while I glare you into submission. The whiteboard has left the building.
When Miller tried to whisper “kingmaker” live and froze
If there was ever a moment that looked like someone accidentally swallowed the Constitution on live TV, this was it. During a CNN interview about Trump’s plan to deploy the National Guard to Oregon, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen “Ghoul” Miller invoked the phrase “plenary authority”—as in absolute, unchecked power—then blinked, froze, and disappeared mid-sentence.
Anchor Boris Sanchez called his name. Silence echoed. “Technical difficulties” was the official line (wires crossed, etc.), even though many pointed out that Nesferatu stood by looking chastened rather than confused. Miller returned to the show, but no re-mention of “plenary authority.” It was scrubbed from the narrative, as if someone had tried to delete the confession.
Miller had just cited Title 10 of the U.S. Code as legal cover. So his logic went: Trump is Commander-in-Chief, Title 10 gives him authority, ergo—kingship. That’s not executive overreach. That’s executive colonization.
Critics jumped in fast: “plenary authority” doesn’t belong in a constitutional democracy’s vocabulary, unless you’re auditioning for Caesar. The term isn’t in Title 10. It doesn’t survive past War Powers, Posse Comitatus, or numerous judicial checks.
Some observers say Miller froze because he realized he just told the “quiet part out loud”: the administration wants to operate above the law. Others suspect the earpiece got a “shut up” jab from offscreen. Either way, the freeze is now emblematic. In that moment, we glimpsed the authoritarian impulse, and the handler freaked out.
Later, Jimmy Kimmel deadpanned on live television: Miller looked like a sex toy whose batteries died mid-activation, and millions became instantly chaste.
The bigger danger? When the man writing memos pauses at “unlimited power,” it’s not a slip of the tongue, but a preview.
Marjorie Taylor Greene: MAGA queen or rebel pawn?
In a plot twist worthy of a daytime soap opera, the loudest MAGA megaphone in Congress is suddenly playing the role of opposition leader. Yes, Marjorie Taylor Greene has taken it upon herself to critique President Trump from within the castle walls. If irony were a currency, we’d all be billionaires.
Greene has publicly dragged Trump over everything from tariffs to crypto-fueled policy shifts to his soft-pedaling on Medicare. She’s threatened to work with Democrats (yes, Democrats) on healthcare expansion if Republicans don’t get their act together. That sound you hear? Mitch McConnell choking on a lukewarm bourbon.
The far-right firebrand, once hailed as MAGA’s Valkyrie, is now warning that Trump’s team is losing touch with the populist promises that brought the red hats out in force. It’s not betrayal, she claims, but rather ideological quality control. But when your party’s quality inspector wears a tinfoil crown and tweets like she’s ghostwriting Infowars, you know we’ve crossed the Rubicon. Personally, we will never forgive this timeline for making us have to agree with MTG.
What’s even more surreal is that she’s not entirely wrong. Trumpism has become an ouroboros, devouring its own tail in a frenzy of purity tests and grievance cosplay. MTG isn’t just the loose cannon anymore. Instead, she’s the only one shouting “There’s a leak on the deck!” while the rest of the crew poses for selfies on the Titanic.
Dominion Voting sold to a GOP donor. What could possibly go wrong?
After years of deranged conspiracy theories, lawsuits, pillow commercials, and MAGA meltdown marathons, Dominion Voting Systems — yes, that Dominion — is no longer just the scapegoat of a thousand Kraken fantasies. It’s now a proud acquisition of Liberty Vote, helmed by a former GOP election official and deep-pocketed Republican donor. Because if you can’t destroy democracy, why not just buy the software backend?
Scott Leiendecker, who once ran Missouri elections and currently owns KNOWiNK — a company that sells pollbooks to red-state officials like candy — now controls the machines that Rudy and Sidney once accused of stealing the republic. You’d think they’d be doing backflips over this. Instead? Crickets. Apparently, election tech is only scary when brown people count the ballots and you’re not holding the license.
But this isn’t just a financial transaction. It’s a narrative colonoscopy. The company that became the centerpiece of 2020’s unhinged fantasy now lives in the portfolio of a partisan insider who promises “American values” and “transparency” — two words that now sound like they came off a bottle of snake oil sold in a tent revival.
This is the tech equivalent of the arsonist buying the fire department. The GOP spent years declaring Dominion was rigged. Now a GOP-tied megadonor owns it. If irony were radioactive, we’d need to evacuate Mar-a-Lago.
And if you think this won’t affect elections: buckle up. County election officials — many of them Democrats — are now scrambling to decide whether to keep using software and hardware owned by someone who spent the last decade side-hustling for voter suppression startups. Because when the fox buys the henhouse, the eggs get audited.
This isn’t election integrity. It’s narrative laundering. And if they can’t flip votes, they’ll flip the ownership until you can’t tell the difference.
RFK Jr. connects circumcision to autism, and somehow makes Tylenol the villain
In the latest episode of “What’s This Guy Sniffing?”, Health Secretary RFK Jr. has decided the true cause of autism isn’t genetics, environmental toxins, or the avalanche of outdated diagnostic criteria. No, it’s baby dicks and Tylenol.
Yes, in a Cabinet meeting, somehow not interrupted by a sanity clause, Kennedy claimed that boys who are circumcised early in life have “double the rate of autism.” The culprit? Not trauma, not poor postnatal care—no, it’s Tylenol. Because what this nation clearly needs is a war on over-the-counter painkillers and a regression to 18th-century phrenology.
The two “studies” he cited are about as airtight as a screen door on a submarine, riddled with methodological holes big enough to circumcise a Ford F-150. No causation. No controls. No clue. Just vibes, a few dubious datasets, and a deep-seated need to stay relevant to the YouTube wellness circuit.
Even better? This little tirade ignored one glaring anatomical reality: autistic women exist. But when your worldview is wrapped tighter than a neonatal foreskin, that kind of nuance slips right past you. This isn’t public health. It’s Freudian fanfic with a side of TikTok diagnostics.
And then, to cap it off, Kennedy gestured at pregnant women “gobbling Tylenol” like that explains anything except his disdain for science and reproductive autonomy, which we suppose makes sense coming from a guy who thinks the placenta is where the fetus lives. Biology class clearly wasn’t part of the prep for his confirmation hearings.
And let’s not ignore the dog whistle buried under the foreskin fetish: nodding toward “early circumcision” as a root problem has landed him in hot water with Jewish leaders, who know damn well when someone’s dressing up antisemitic tropes in pseudo-medical drag.
This isn’t policymaking. It’s an embarrassing Freudian episode beamed live from the padded room of conspiracy Twitter. RFK Jr. isn’t curing disease. He’s diagnosing society with Chronic Testicular Insecurity.
So if you felt like this lineup came with a strange buzzing sound and the smell of fried circuits, that’s because it did. Whether it’s a candidate melting down mid-interview or a health secretary blaming autism on circumcision and Tylenol, the common thread is this: reality no longer loads, and nobody’s calling IT. Buckle up — the final act gets even messier, and this time, the animals are involved.
If you like your news with a bit of bite, join the resistance!
Receipts: Because apparently, in 2025, saying “this happened” requires citations like it’s a Wikipedia page being edited by Grok.
Trump Urges Pam Bondi to Prosecute His Political Opponents: ‘Justice Must Be Served’ — Time
Knives come out for Katie Porter over recent videos — The Hill
Stephen Miller Sparks Suspicion After ‘Glitch’ on CNN When He Mentioned ‘Plenary Authority’ — Time
Stephen Miller’s ‘Plenary Authority’ Remark Raises Eyebrows — Newsweek
MTG ditches Fox News for CNN as MAGA firebrand joins Wolf Blitzer to rip her party over shutdown standoff — The Independent
MTG Takes Aim at Trump-Backed Crypto Bill as Split Deepens — The Daily Beast
Former Republican Election Official Buys Dominion Voting — AP News
RFK Jr. suggests circumcision is linked to autism. Here’s what experts say. — CBS News
RFK, Jr., Cites ‘Truly Appalling’ Studies to Tie Autism to Circumcision and Tylenol — Scientific American
“Katie Porter’s Outburst with Reporter Shocks Calif. Governor Race After CBS Releases the Tape” — People.com
“Democratic frontrunner for California governor threatens to walk out of interview” — The Guardian
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A sublime way to end my working day. Great piece of writing. ❤️
They keep saying the quiet part out loud - so, yes, just unplug America and see what happens - They are revealing the plot - and yet, it just keeps going.