Welcome back to Sunday Funnies, where we have once again reviewed the week and concluded that reality could use an editor. And yes, we are late. It has been quite a week.
At this point, we’re not asking for things to make sense. We’d settle for a coherent subplot and perhaps one fewer plot twist before bedtime.
Weapons of Mass Dysfunction
When your own side starts checking whether the Secretary of Defense counts as an impeachable offense, “national security strategy” may have wandered a little too close to “group chat with missiles.”
All the News That’s Unfit to Print
Turns out freedom of the press remains absolutely sacred, provided the press has the good manners to shut the hell up. Democracy, now with parental controls.
I Want My Name on It, Daddy!
Nothing says “presidential legacy” quite like repeatedly asking a federal judge why the nice building still has somebody else’s name on it. Somewhere, JFK is guarding his monogram with a folding chair.
Move Fast and Break Everything
“Should we understand this thing before we fire it?”
“Counterpoint: CHINA.”
The Hunger Gerrymanders
May the districts be ever in your favor. If the voters keep choosing incorrectly, please return them to the mapmaking department for recalibration.
And that’s enough timeline for one Sunday.
Go drink something, pet something, stare blankly into the middle distance—whatever gets you through. We’ll reconvene when the universe has committed several fresh violations of narrative structure.