The Last Days of Big Balls, but DOGE’s Gutting Is Still Happening... Quietly

Security breaches, agencies guts, service disruptions. I know! Let's double the budget! For efficiency.

Edward “Big Balls” Coristine has resigned.

At just 19, he was one of the highest-paid civil servants in the country, with full access to sensitive government systems, top-tier security privileges, and a nickname straight out of frat house folklore. Now he’s gone, quietly. No press release. No thank-you tour. Not even a self-congratulatory thread.

And whil…