Versailles on the Potomac, Floating Cybertrucks, and Columbus Rising: Welcome to Absurdistan

Welcome to Monday. The headlines are wild, your coffee better be stronger.

If you woke up wondering whether you accidentally stumbled into a political satire this week, rest assured—you did. From the Federal Reserve deciding now’s the perfect time to cosplay French royalty, to Elon Musk discovering that his Cybertruck is less "amphibious beast" and more "expensive paperweight," America continues its brave sprint into the theat…